Twisting feelings...continues

My fantasy is driving me crazy...I'm even planning how to seduce somebody.... OMG but fortunately it's only fantasy..it is allowed, isn't it?
On the other side I'm suffering from drugs....not meant like phisically I mean it psychologically.... The winter is coming so it becomes deeper...the wound on my soul...

Twisting feelings...

I should keep writing the blog or otherwise I'll loose control over myself. I'm getting confused...the winter is coming so I'm depressed. On the weekend I drunk a lot so I got careless and..I like flirting. It's not like I did something bad. I already have a a boyfriend since almost a decade XD I love him more than anything...it's just that sometimes I like play around a bit with single guys.. Orrr err.. no good sample. It's not playing around it's just flirting. It feels good sometimes. But now I got careless and get some blushing because of some guy from my university and also he is  afriend of mine... I see himeveryday. Some time ago I already had fantasies with him but not so strongly.. but now I got excited...would like to try some things... OMG JUST CALM DOWN MY BRAIN.... My blood is boiling... My feelings are twisted... And it's worse since I cant see my boyfriend too often...

Loosing to myself

Really I'm loosing to myself... I had a little time to read manga today and just when I started to fel a bit better my father makes me depressed again. My brain can't take more complaining...I'm gonna crash..

Japan

I've visited Japan for some time not so long ago... I have been mesmerized... I'm still crying after it. When I'm home I feel like I'm not really at home..my home is somewhere else. I want to go back but this was only a one-chance-in-my-life thing...
A dream came true but with that this dream is gone now. I was dreaming about to go Japan..now I'm crying after it. Dreams should stay as dreams and not come true... I can't find my place now...

Glooooooom

I'm starting to falling down and down..I'm getting deeper and deeper in my heart. I don't really like my room. I can't fix my clothes in the wardrobe... -.- Girlish problem... I should study but I can't since my room is a mess but I don't have any place to take my things...there are my parents' book everywhere... thx Winter is coming also...I hate it... I'm just getting deeper and deeper...

Let's get it start

This is my first blog and I don't do it because I want to be famous or something. I just need a place to write down my feelings so they won't blow me up from inside. I write everíthing in english because I like this language and somehow it's more comfotable than my native language.
I said I don't want to be famous than why make it be public? Because if somebody intrested in it just go on and read it. Maybe he or she finds some answers or new questions for themselfs.
So... let's start it!